Goodbye Love
by Becsta229
Summary: December 24, 1991. It's two years after Angel died but his presence lives on. Mark is still trying to document his friends lives as they all waste away leaving him truly alone. Also, Joanne leaves Maureen when she falls ill. Please read and review!
1. Christmas Eve

This is a story that picks up where the movie left off. It encorporates ideas from the original show. Mark is essentially trying to finish his film as the rest of his friends waste away. He even finds new love that is brutally taken from him.

* * *

December 24, 1991. It has been 1 year since Mimi's near death experience and 2 years since Angel passed. Mark has been working on his film now more than ever. He fears that he may be running out of time. Roger bustled into the apartment followed by Mimi. Mark barely recognized her. Her once glowing skin was now pale and clammy. Her once beautiful gleaming eyes now sunken and full of sadness and pain.

"Hey guys!" Mark called out from across the apartment. "I thought you guys would never get here!"

"Merry Christmas, Mark." Mimi said weakly

Roger nodded and waved as he helped Mimi over to the worn couch. Mimi wasn't the only one changing. Mark noticed lately that Roger just wasn't the same. He too had become pale, his face hollow. He just didn't have the same energy he had a year ago.

"Mimi are you ok?" Mark asked setting down his camera.

"Yeah, yeah…I'm ok. Just tired I guess." Mimi replied pulling out her AZT.

Watching Mimi, the love of his life, die slowly as he too wasted away was very hard for Roger. It brought him back to a time about 3 or 4 years ago. There was a girl, April, they fell in love. Then one night he called Mark. From the minute Mark answered the phone he knew it was serious.

"I've got…I have AIDS…oh God Mark, I'm dying!" Roger said in a panic choking back tears.

"It's going to be ok, buddy." Mark replied shocked.

Roger came home that night. He and Mark finished off the lunchmeat and kicked back to relax for the evening. Roger worked on a new song and Mark just gave advice. They both tried to forget about the conversation earlier that day.

Three days later, after April had spent the night, Mark wandered to the bathroom for a shower to find Roger sobbing on the floor. He looked up at Mark, his face contorted and soaked and he pulled back the shower curtain to reveal April lay limply in a mixture of murky water and blood. Her eyes gazed blankly up at the ceiling. Her arm was draped over the side of the tub revealing deep gashes in her wrists.

It was then that Mark noticed a piece of paper balled up in her pale lifeless hand. He couldn't resist reading it, but not out loud. It red:

"_We both have AIDS; I can't watch you die…_"

Mark tucked the note away in his pocket. He never did show Roger the note. They never did really talk about it. Mark never did find out if Roger knew about the note at all. Roger spent an entire year in seclusion. He rarely left the apartment. Roger was letting the disease rule his life, but Mimi changed that. She taught him that just because they have this disease doesn't mean they would die right then.

"Mimi would you like anything " Mark questioned sounding a little concerned.

"Yeah, water, please." She answered.

Roger stood up and silently followed Mark into the kitchen. Their kitchen is cramped, consisting only of a refrigerator, a stove, a counter and a sink. Mark bent down to get a glass from under the sink. Roger leaned on the counter with his face buried in his hands, weeping quietly.

"Hey man, you ok?" Mark asked.

"Mimi, she stopped going to Life Support meetings," Roger started between heaving sobs, "She says they're depressing and she just stopped going. I think it's almost…"

Roger trailed off, overwhelmed by the fact that this could be the end. Mark knew there was nothing he could do so he just got some water and carried it out to Mimi. When he reached the living room, he found Mimi stretched out on the couch asleep. She must've been really tired. He set the glass on the coffee table and went to bed.


	2. A Walk in the Park

Sun shone brightly through the window and bathed Mark's Pillow and face with warmth. He threw back his blankets and sheets and sat up still groggy. He could hear talking and laughter coming from the room next door. As he stumbled out of his bedroom into the living room, he saw Roger and Mimi sitting on the couch laughing and talking.

"Hey, look who finally woke up!" Roger exclaimed "Merry Christmas man!"

"Yeah, merry Christmas Mark…cheers!" Mimi cried handing him a glass of orange juice.

He was also greeted by another friendly face, his ex-girlfriend, Maureen. Maureen dumped Mark 2 years earlier when she met a lawyer, Joanne. They're engaged to be married, just not anytime soon.

The phone rang. Mark, being closest, answered it. A familiar voice came from the other end and Mark couldn't help but smile.

"Hey it's Collins." Mark announced to the group who cheered and yelled various greetings.

"Throw down the key boy!" Collins exclaimed in a deep thundering voice.

Roger nodded towards Mark and tossed a key from his pocket. Mark ran and threw open the balcony window and stepped out in the frigid air to toss the key.

Maureen told everyone of her plan for another performance. The first one got so much publicity, the news crew is just begging for another one. Roger and Mark's oversized front door slid open to reveal a big man wearing so many jackets and coats he could've been some hobo from the street.

"Collins!" everyone yelped and cheered.

"You didn't get beat up I see." Roger joked as everyone laughed.

"Hey guys, it's Christmas!" Collins stated. "Let's go do something."

"How about the Life Café?" Mimi asked hopefully.

The others seemed to like that idea and together they set out for Christmas brunch. The Life Café looked like a rundown little pub from the outside, but inside it was a little cozy restaurant complete with a stage for live music. The prices were in reach for everyone which is probably why it was so popular.

Along the way, they walked past the park. It was so desolate these days. The tree branches were bare and twisted. The homeless wandered around aimlessly waiting for someone to hit up for a buck or two. This was the decrepit place Mimi had stayed for weeks while Roger was gone. Maureen and Joanne had found her laying on a bench. The air was cold as ice but Mimi was damp with sweat and hot from fever. No one thought that she would actually make it through the night, but there she was laughing and living with her closest friends. As they walked, a man with medium length brown hair and a mischievous face tried to discreetly motion her over. Roger and Mimi both saw it at the same time.

"What's this huh?" Roger questioned stopping cold in his tracks.

"It's nothing baby." She replied

"I thought you stopped using!"

"Nah, I did, I did! I promise!"

Mimi knew that he didn't believe her but said nothing. It wasn't the time or place for anything like that. By this time, Mark, Maureen and Collins had stopped walking too and just stood staring at them. Roger tried to shrug it off like nothing had happened just like when he found out he had AIDS. Mimi always admired his ability to do that. She hated it too, though, because she was accustomed to confrontation and talking things out.

Before long, the friends reached the small pub like building and entered, embracing the blast of warm air. A short, chubby man with thick glasses and short brown hair waited to seat them. He stopped, however, when he realized who they were.

"No, today is not good! Leave, just leave…please." The man said pleadingly.

"What?" Mark cried, "Why? We're trying to give you some business!"

"The last time you came, you pushed all the tables together."

"Yeah, but we don't need all the tables today. Please, we're hungry!"

The man glanced at them then turned away shaking his head. The group could take a hint and knew there was no changing his mind. Defeated and hungry, they left.


	3. A long goodbye

"Where can we go now?" Mimi whined. Roger reached over and held her hand in his. They decided on a nice afternoon in the park since it wasn't so cold anymore. In the park, Collins seemed more distant than usual. Everyone guess he was thinking about Angel. Angel saved him once, sadly Collins was too late to return the favor and save him. He died from AIDS after months of pain and being in and out of hospitals. This death was the beginning of what seemed like the end for Mark. He was losing everyone close to him.

"I think I'll film you guys." Said Mark as he picked up his camera and wound it up.

Maureen turned and said "Yeah do you think it's going to be finished anytime soon?" Everyone laughed, even Mark, but truth be told, he'd been having serious doubts. Trying to document their lives before the wasted away? That is a big responsibility, It was time consuming and, at times, sad. But it had to be done, failure was not an option.

It was evening now and time for the friends to go their separate ways. Maureen left to meet up with Joanne for dinner and a movie. Collins decided to pay a visit to Angel's grave. He wanted to catch him up on what happened this past year. Mark, Roger, and Mimi retreated back to the dark, gloomy loft.

Back at the loft, they found that once again Benny had given in and they had power, for now. Mimi was so exhausted from the events that day that she ended up sleeping on the couch again. There was a strange feeling in that loft, like something just wasn't right. Mark and Roger awkwardly avoided eye contact until the tension was too much and they both went off to bed.

The next day was colder than usual. The clouds hung thick and dark in the sky. Mimi was looking a lot better. Maybe all she needed was sleep, that's what Mark kept trying to convince Roger, and himself. She had the gleam back in her eyes. All the sadness and pain was beginning to disappear.

Roger was pleased, "What do you want to do today, baby?"

"I was thinking maybe we can go to Life Support…" Mimi stated carefully. She watched Roger closely for his reaction.

"Really?" Roger exclaimed. Mark smiled happily at this new turn around.

"Well," Mimi continued, "some people have nowhere else to go."

In hearing that, Mark and Roger became very quiet. The smiles vanished from their faces. Angel had said the same thing in attempts to convince Roger to start attending the meetings. He never thought he'd hear that again. He nodded and silently the three of them left the house.

The Life Support meetings were never anything extravagant, just a few people trying to cope with their illness and living life. There was always something to talk about. A funny story, or a sudden turn for the worse, it didn't matter what anyone said because everyone had been in those situations before. The real comfort was just to have someone to talk to, someone who really cares.

After the meeting, Roger, Mimi and Mark were supposed to meet Collins at a new café down the street.

"Where is he? I'm freezing!" Mark questioned. They waited a while longer but no sign of him. Before long, they decided to give in to the knowing pains of hunger and got a bite to eat. This was so unlike Collins to just blow off a get together. Something was not right here.

"You know," Mimi remembered, "he did seem pretty out of it yesterday at the park. I was worried."

"I noticed that too." Roger replied and Mark nodded in agreement. "Let's head home, maybe he called."

The walk back was quiet. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts, their own scenarios of what could've happened. Was he dead? Or maybe he just over slept and forgot. Maybe he did come, but they just didn't see him. Too many thoughts were swirling in their heads it was hard to contain it all. Finally, they reached the apartment building. Run down, and cold, but it was home, and all they had. The light on the answering machine was blinking indicating a message. However, the voice in the message belonged to Mark's mom, just calling to say 'hi'. Mark always thought she called at the worst times.

Twenty-four hours later and still no sign of Collins. Mimi, Roger, and Mark were in a panic. They had held off n calling Maureen or the police in hopes that maybe he'd show up.

"That's it!" Mimi declared standing up, "I'm calling the police. Hey maybe Maureen knows something too."

While Mimi phoned various people around town, Mark and Roger were busy making fliers. A few minutes later, Mimi announced that no one had heard anything, but that Maureen and Joanne were on their way over.

When they arrived, Mark threw down a key and they let themselves in. Immediately they began asking what they could do to help out. Just as the group was about to head out to put up fliers, the phone rang. Maureen was the one to answer.

"Excuse me ma'am," the man on the other end began, "I'm with the New York Police Department. Sorry to bother you. Someone called a while ago reporting a missing person?"

"Yes! Yes…our friend Tom Collins. Is he there? Did you find him?" The room was silent with anticipation for the officer's answer.

"I'm so sorry," he replied," but there has been an accident.

"Is he ok?!" Maureen sobbed into the phone. Roger was holding Mimi as she cried uncontrollably on his shoulder.

"He is hurt pretty bad, but he is at the hospital recovering. I just thought you should know."

"Thank you officer." Maureen replied as she hung up the phone.

The apartment was dead silent. No one even dared to move. It was Mimi who finally broke the trance.

"How could this have happened?" Mimi questioned. She was shaking so hard that she had to sit down.

"We have to go visit him." Maureen chimed in.

"I hate hospitals…" Mark said, afraid to meet anyone's gaze.

The group walked quickly and quietly down the streets of New York, No one spoke, just kept moving as if the very act of getting there was going to be too much to ask. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of silence, Joanne of all people broke the silence.

"I wonder what happened," Joanne started, "he could need a lawyer." Joanne smiled triumphantly but the others weren't so amused. This display of self-centered greediness drove Mimi to tears. Maureen couldn't take this anymore.

"Does it always have to be about you?" Maureen asked Joanne.

"Me? What about you, huh?"

"What do you mean? I haven't seen my friends in months because you thought we should bond more!"

"Ah, Maureen…you just never know when to –"

"SHUT UP!" Mimi screamed at them. "This is not the time! I can't believe you're doing this here or now! What is the matter with you?!"

Mimi collapsed, then, into a fit of sobs. Her face contorted and turned red. She couldn't stop and gasped for air in between sobs. No on tried to help her up, they just looked at her in disbelief. Joanne had turned around and headed home. She would visit later, after everyone else had left. It had become increasingly obvious that Joanne was trying everything to detach Maureen from her friends, but nothing seemed to be working.

Roger picked up Mimi, who was dangerously light, and carried her as they continued to the hospital. As they approached the hospital, the group stopped overwhelmed by the large brick building. An ambulance pulled dup in front of the emergency entrance, the group watched as the doctors and nurses carted a bloodied, pale figure into the hospital as the victims' family, panicking, ran after them. The friends sighed, facing their task and moved silently though the doors.

Inside, the luminescent halls smelled of sanitizer and anesthesia. It was so large; they didn't know where to even begin to look for poor Collins. Roger finally, after setting Mimi down, walked over to a help desk.

"Hello sir," a snobby woman who probably couldn't care less said gazing at her computer, "may I help you with something? The support groups aren't for a few hours." She stated looking at him as well as the rest of the group.

"Actually, I'm looking for Tom Collins…" Roger stated worried.

A few minutes later they found themselves being led to the Intensive Care Unit. In every room were people with tubes coming out of every opening, monitors beeping steadily in the background. The group had to wait in the sitting room for a few minutes while the doctors changed Collins' bandages. They watched all the other people sitting there, their head in their hands. Some were pacing back and forth. Finally a nurse came out and informed Roger that they could go in.

Collins was propped up in an all too familiar looking hospital room. He had tubes coming out of his nose and lots of IV's on his arms and hands.

"Hey guys." Collins said weakly glancing over at his many friends.

"What happened, man?" Mark asked walking over to him.

Collins pulled back the sheets revealing 3 bandages. His abdomen was wrapped in gauze but still, blood was seeping through. He told them that he had gone to visit Angel after that day in the park. When he was done it had gotten dark and he had a long walk home. As he came upon central park, a few men surrounded him and asked for some money When she said he had non to give, they jumped him from behind. They took his coat, the one Angel bought for him with his last 20 dollars, and they beat him up and broke his ribs. When Collins thought they were done, one of them turned and pulled out a knife. He stabbed him three times in the abdomen before a passerby finally stepped in. However, the kind person didn't have a phone and just left him to die. Collins had passed out from the pain shortly after and woke up the next day in the hospital.

"Those jerks!" Maureen cried.

"Nah, man. I'm feeling a little better," Collins explained, "they gave me all this pain medication. I can't feel a thing!" Everyone laughed long and hard. They all moved in the room and found a seat somewhere. They talked about everything even Angel. Collins swore he saw him when he lost consciousness. Angel had told him to turn around, too, like he had Mimi, it just wasn't their time. The group was silent now and a nurse came in the change the bandages. The stab wounds were small but deep. Mark cringed at the sight of them. He wasn't good with blood and hardly ever went to hospitals. Shortly thereafter, another nurse walked in and informed them that visiting hours were over and they could come back tomorrow.

The group went their separate ways once more, Maureen left to go work things out with Joanne and the others went back to the loft. They were very tired and went off to bed. Mark woke early the next morning to the phone ringing. He answered it frustrated at whoever was calling this early.

"Hello?" he asked sleepily. He recognized the other voice as the nice doctor who had worked on Collins.

"I'm just calling to inform you," the doctor started hesitantly. Mark had a gut feeling of what was to come next and braced himself for the worst. "There were some complications during the night, you may want to come and say your goodbyes." 'Yes,' Mark thought, 'that's how they do it these days.'

There was no time to wake Roger or run downstairs for Mimi. He, instead, scribbled a quick note and ran out the door. Hopefully Roger would wake up before it's too late. Mark ran down the cold, dismal streets to the familiar hospital. He ran inside and asked the help desk for Collins' room number. After running down hallways that were too bright for his tired eyes, and still smelled of antiseptic, for a good 10 minutes, he finally found the right room.

Collins had even more tubes coming out of him that yesterday and was hooked up to lots of machines steadily beeping in an otherwise silent environment. Mark pulled the doctor aside and found out that because of the AIDS, Collins' immune system was shot. It made him prone to infection and triggered an internal bleed. The surgery was far too risky and he had lost too much blood.

Just then, Roger and Mimi who looked like she'd been crying again entered the room silently. The doctor left them alone to say their goodbyes. Roger just stood over him, looking intensely at his friend dying before his eyes. Mimi reached over and held Collins' hand, her other hand tightly grasped in Roger's. Silent tears rolled off her pale cheeks. Her eyes were big and solemn. She remembered watching Angel die, feeding him ice cubes in weak attempts to bring his fever down. She had watched as the disease took hold and she learned her own sad fate.

The next morning, Maureen and Joanne joined the other 3 at the apartment. The light on the answering machine blinked, indicating there was a message. No one wanted to hear it. They knew who it was, and why they were calling. Finally, Joanne got the strength to press the button. Tom Collins had suffered a severe bleed during the night and went into shock. I'm sorry guys, the doctor said at a lame attempt to comfort them, we did all we could.

Mimi collapsed into Roger sobbing. Silent tears rolled off his cheeks and seeping into her ratty, unwashed hair. Mark just stood, numb with shock. 'This can't be happening.' He thought. But this, sadly, was not a dream. Collins was gone, he was dead.


	4. The Funeral

The memorial was on a Sunday. The air that day was not frigid or even cold. It was cool, almost peaceful. Even the sun peeked its way out from behind the clouds for a few hours that afternoon. Mark sat silently out on the balcony just taking everything in. Roger joined him after a few minutes; he was wearing a nice button down shirt and black jeans. Mimi entered; too, she looked pale and thin. She was wearing a cute v-neck black dress. It was nice, but only accentuated the fact that she was losing lots of weight.

"Hey man, you ready to go?" Roger asked Mark nicely.

Mimi waved awkwardly and moved back inside the loft. These last few days had been very stressful on her and it was beginning to show. Mark and Roger heard her coughing violently and grew quiet, unable to meet the other's gaze, unable to face the truth. Mark stood quietly and smoothed his black suit, adjusted his glasses and tie, and walked inside. Roger was trying to ease Mimi's coughs, but his attempts failed miserably.

The walk to the church was quiet. All they were concerned about was getting there quickly. Finally, the big church came into view. There were many figures standing outside chatting and crying. The three friends were joined by Maureen and Joanne.

"I wouldn't have missed this for anything." Maureen said hugging Mark.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." Joanne said coldly.

"Well maybe if you hadn't stormed off…" Maureen started but stopped short. Joanne glared at her but said nothing. The group walked into the church and to their seats among the mourning family and friends. Collins' elderly parents sat in the first pew along with his brother and sister. After the priest conducted a very nice funeral, he asked if anyone had anything to say. Roger stood up almost immediately and walked slowly down the aisle towards the large, propped open, oak coffin. He looked down at Collins' lifeless body laid stiffly so unlike him. He was wearing a nicely ironed baby blue shirt and a red tie. He never would've worn this if he were alive, Roger thought to himself.

"I've known Collins since we were 15." Roger started, looking out at the almost full church, tears welling up in his eyes. "We went through everything together. I could really talk to him. When we were 16, he told me he had AIDS, he was born with it. When I asked why he never told me before, he replied 'I was scared; scared you'd lose respect for me. I didn't want to lose you.' "Roger stopped, then, tears streaming down his face. He touched Collins' cold, lifeless hands for the last time and made the long walk back to his seat.

The church was silent; everyone was wrapped up in their own sadness. Roger put his arm around Mimi. Maureen held Joanne's hand. Joanne was crying silent tears. Her sadness killed Maureen who would hate to make her this sad ever again. Mark watched his friends comfort the ones they loved and f, for the first time, he felt truly alone. He was sad for Collins but even more for himself, he was never more aware of his own fate: life. The priest asked if there was anyone else who wanted to say a few words. After a few minutes a man's voice spoke up. It was a familiar voice, but distant, like that of a long lost friend.

"Oh…my…God!" Maureen whispered to Joanne.

"Is that…?" Roger whispered turning towards Mimi who was wide-eyed in disbelief. Maureen nodded, "Is that Benny?!"

By the time they were done with their little discussion, Benny was already at the alter. "I used to be roommates with him. He was a great guy. What a huge loss." That was all Benny was going to say. It sounded so rehearsed and he could sense that he wasn't welcomed there.

The funeral concluded with a song that probably would've been too religious for Collins' liking. As everyone filed out of the dimly lit church out in the crisp, bright, afternoon, Roger and the rest of the group was concerned with a finding Benny. He was standing, all alone, by Angel's grave.

"How dare you even be here!" Maureen screamed. She tried to run at him but Joanne and Mimi held her back.

"What gives you the right to say anything about Collins, let alone at his funeral?" Mark chimed in stepping forward, "You never liked him anyway. He had too many opinions and got in the way of the cyber studio, remember?"

"That was a ling time ago, Mark." Benny replied angrily. "I don't see why you're so mad anyway. You didn't just lose a best friend, you have a great life!" By now everyone else had stopped and just watched as mark grew more and more angry at Benny's attempts for pity.

"A great life? A GREAT LIFE?!" Mark screamed at Benny. Mimi jumped back in surprise of the outburst, "You call sitting by and watching you best friends DIE knowing that you are going to be left, all alone, is a _great life_?" Mark shot one last disgusted look at Benny before storming off, leaving the others in shock. Roger ran after Mark. Benny turned to leave but before he could do so, Mimi ran up and slapped him hard across the face before disappearing, herself, among the e graves after Roger and Mark. They were all she had left.


	5. Weeping Willow

Roger found Mark sitting under a weeping willow on the other side of the cemetery. For the first time, Roger saw him crying. Mark glanced up unashamed as Roger walked towards him. Roger took a seat on the cold, hard soil next to Mark. For a long time, neither of them spoke, they just sat in silence. Mimi walked over too and took a seat on Roger's lap. Soon they were joined by Maureen and Joanne as well. The group of friends, minus two people, sat in silence on the chilly winter afternoon.

"You don't have to be sad, Mark." Mimi said after a while, "we're living our lives, day by day, with no regrets." The others nodded in agreement.

Mark stood up silently and started to walk back to the loft. He was joined by Roger and Mimi. Maureen came, too, after a few seconds but Joanne wasn't with her. Maureen had been suffering from a cold for a few weeks. She claimed that this cold weather was just taking a toll on her. It was strange, though, because she had taken just about every medicine there was, but nothing seemed to be helping at all. Back at the loft, Mark made her and Mimi who had fallen ill again as well, some tea. Maureen spent the night, too weak to make the walk home. She was awakened by a familiar, loving voice and a soft, warm hand on her cheek.

"Pookie?" Maureen asked sleepily, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't come home….I was so tired."

It's ok." Joanne replied sweetly, "Mark called and explained everything. I'm here honey."

Joanne often came off as cold and heartless. She was afraid to show emotion because she was a lawyer. She didn't want to let her emotions interfere with the cases she was presented with. This inability to show emotion didn't interfere much with her work, but more with her friends and family. Maureen was starting to change this for her. Instead of always being cold and distant, she found herself being much more loving. Joanne had evens started sympathizing more with people she represented. She would connect with them and has actually started to win more cases.

Mimi walked sleepily out of Roger's bedroom. She was basically living with Roger and Mark except for the few days when she just wanted to be alone. Mimi ran over and gave Joanne a big hug. Mark entered the room with fresh coffee for everyone and some cold medicine for Maureen and Mimi.

"Here, take this." Mark said handing them the pills.

"Nothing else has worked, why would this be any different?" Maureen questioned handing the pills back to a very concerned Mark. Mimi nodded in agreement and also gave the pills back to Mark. Maureen declared that they better be leaving. Joanne stood up, aid goodbye to everyone then walked out the door. Maureen followed silently.

Mark finished his coffee then declared he was going out for awhile. Mimi begged to go with him but Mark refused to bring her. She was afraid of being alone even though Roger was still in the house sleeping. Mark walked down the winding staircase into the bright morning sun. The air was becoming noticeably warmer and the trees were starting to bud. It was spring. Mark thought that maybe when the cold was gone Mimi and now Maureen as well, would get better. He walked all over the city, trying to get inspiration for his film and maybe his life as well. He walked through the park where Mimi stayed for weeks. He watched the homeless just trying to get from one minute to the next. He walked past the old performance space. Benny had gone against everything he used to believe in and turned it into a cyber studio. Mark remembered when he first met Joanne. It was awkward but they soon became good friends. Mark walked all over the city and ended up at the cemetery. Something had guided him there to Angel's grave and now Collins' as well. He stood for a long time pondering. Who would be the next victim of this ruthless disease? When would they be taken so cruelly out of his life? Frustrated and feeling horrible about life in general, Mark made his way back to the loft.

He slid the door open and realized it was quieter than usual. Even when Mark would come in during the night there would be some noise but now there was none. He checked the bedroom half expecting to find Mimi sound asleep but instead the bed was messily made like someone left in a hurry.

"Roger…Mimi?" Mark called out, "Is anyone home? Hello?" No answer. Mark sat down on the couch "Something isn't right." He said to himself, "They wouldn't just go somewhere without me."

That's when he saw the note. Before even reading the tiny piece of paper taped to the round coffee table, his heart sank. This was a very familiar feeling. He felt it when he read April's note and when Collins' doctor called. Hesitantly, Mark leaned forward to read the scribbled handwriting and prepared for the worst. The note was not long and it was written in a hurry. It read 'Mimi collapsed. At the hospital. Roger.'

It took all too long for everything to sink in. His head was spinning. Was Mimi next? She shouldn't have gone outside to the hospital for Collins. It was too cold. She should've been resting. She was looking better, what happened?! He ran to the door and when it opened, there was Maureen sobbing on the floor.

"Maureen?" Mark questioned annoyed, "I do not have time for this! Mimi is in the hospital. I'll call you later!"

Maureen looked up at him, hurt. Her face was red and wet with tears. Her eyes were red and puffy. Mark could sense something was deeply wrong and bent down. He held her close in a long hug until she calmed down a bit.

"Where's Joanne?" Mark asked suddenly.

"She...she left." Maureen sobbed. "I couldn't help it anymore! I had to tell her!"

"Tell her…what?"

"Mark…I have AIDS. That's why no cold crap is working. I've just stopped taking the AZT."

"Oh, Maureen! That's practically suicide!"

"Well, Joanne left. I have no one else. I might as well just…give up."

"You're wrong, you know. You still have me."

Mark stood up and calmly extended a hand to Maureen. He helped her up and wrapped his arms around her in a warm hug. He had forgotten what this was like and welcomed the familiarity. Once everything had calmed down, Maureen went with Mark to the hospital. Mimi was, after all, beginning to slip away.


	6. It's Beginning to Snow

There they were once again in the all too familiar hospital. But this time it was for Mimi. They found the room easily and cautiously made their way in.

"Hey guys!" Mimi said weakly. She practically shot up in bed she was so excited to see them.

"Hey, hey be careful!" Roger cried rushing to her side, "Please take it easy!"

Mark looked down and realized he was holding Maureen's hand. He dropped it suddenly and awkwardly slumped down in a chair carefully avoiding her wounded gaze. Roger walked over and sat down next to Mark. Seeing no other chairs, Maureen plopped down on Mark's lap. Her chocolate brown curls bounced playfully in Mark's face and he caught a whiff of coconut shampoo. Mark smiled awkwardly.

"Are you trying to lead me on?" Maureen whispered in Mark's ear.

"I don't know what you're talking about. It was just a hug." Mark replied in a whisper, "I didn't realize I had grabbed your hand…"

"Oh, I just though, you know, since Joanne left maybe we could be a couple…again." Maureen said turning to meet his gaze. He stood up, pushing her away, and walked out the door. Maureen, defeated, slumped down in the chair and buried her face in her hands. Roger reached over and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Hey," he started to explain, "I know what he is feeling. He feels alone, led on by life. Collins just died and now here we are for Mimi. I had to come to terms with my disease and my life. Mimi helped me to do that. Now Mark has to come to terms with everything going on. He needs you, too, but is afraid you will leave him. This time for good. Let him heal for a while at his own pace. Be there, even when he doesn't want you to be."

Mimi had carefully made her way from the bed to Maureen and held one of her hands and one of Roger's as well.

"He's right you know." Mimi said quietly, smiling.

Maureen sighed and smiled sheepishly. She stood and smoothed her shirt and hair then hesitantly exited the room as Roger scolded Mimi for getting up and carried her back to the bed. Maureen found Mark sitting in an uncomfortable chair staring off blankly ahead of him. She walked over and sat in a chair next to him. After a few minutes, she reached over and placed her hands on his. This seemed to get his attention but he didn't pull away. He just looked at their hands with a worried expression.

"We can't do this Maureen." He said meeting her gaze. "You don't like me like this. I mean, you're a lesbian!"

"I never stopped loving you Mark." She replied almost pleading.

"Let's just…stay friends. For now, anyway." Mark said standing up. He dropped Maureen's hand and walked out of the hospital into the bright spring afternoon. He walked back to the loft, taking his time. He needed to think. Did he still love Maureen? Even after everything she put him through, he never stopped caring. All he ever wanted to do was make her happy. However, she had hurt him. Who says she wouldn't hurt him again and then what? Things would never be the same. Mark was confused. He took at seat on an old, lumpy sofa in a dark, empty loft and wondered what was keeping him there. Suddenly, Roger burst into the room looking angrier than mark had ever seen him.

"What are you doing?" Roger demanded.

"I'm thinking. I am so confused Roger!" Mark shouted.

"Come on, Mark, she loves you! Be a man! Take a risk for one time in your life!"

"And, what, stay with her for a month, two tops so we can get close? So she can just die?"

"What're you talking about man?"

"She has AIDS too! I'm losing everyone, man! It isn't fair. I almost wish…I wish I was dying too."

"Mark! Don't talk like that! You're the one person holding everyone together. If it wasn't for you, I don't know what would happen. Come to dinner with me and Maureen tonight. Hey, it'll be good for you!"

"Fine, now leave just leave me alone."

Roger was going to say something but stopped short. He gathered some of Mimi's things and headed back to the hospital. Mark curled up in a ball on the couch and eventually his mind settled and he drifted off to sleep.

He dreamt that it was Christmas Eve again. But something was different about it. He was showing Roger a finished movie he couldn't remember making but seemed so proud about. Soon the door slid open and Mimi entered with and unlit candle and smiled flirtatiously as Roger laughed. Mark finally realized what was so different. He was happy. The phone rang and Collins' familiar voice flooded into the room. Mark ran to the window in disbelief. Sure enough there stood Collins at the phone booth. He looked up and waved happily. Angel was with him, too. He was dressed in his fabulous Santa drag and when Mark threw down the key, Angel jumped up and down happily clapping his hands. Mark never wanted this to end. The only thing missing was Maureen. Suddenly her shrill voice filled the loft as she walked out of the kitchen with hot chocolate.

Mark was jolted awake, suddenly, by Roger who was apparently yelling at Maureen to stop messing with his hair and to be quiet, Mark was taking a nap.

"It's ok guys!" Mark said laughing, "I'm Awake! Are we going to dinner?"

"Yeah! Let's go!" Maureen shouted throwing her arms around Mark who suddenly look uncomfortable, "I'm so hungry!"

A new restaurant had recently opened not too far from Avenue A. It was more of a buffet so they could get a lot of food for the money they paid. Even though Mark had quit his job a while ago, they were never as broke as they once had been. Roger had been playing small gigs at local clubs and cafes again. Even though Roger only played one or two songs at the most, he was paid well and it's been enough to at least cover the rent most of the time

"You know what Mimi would love?" Maureen pointed out over dinner.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Roger replied.

"You should bring your guitar to the hospital and play for her!"

Mark nodded in agreement. It was a fabulous idea that he had been thinking of proposing to Roger for a couple of hours. Roger shrugged and continued to scarf down food. Mark wasn't eating much but instead piling food on his plate to scrape onto Maureen's plate when she wasn't looking. He made sure she ate it all so it would hold her over until her next meal, whenever that would be. Maureen kept commenting that she didn't realize she had gotten that much food. Mark would blush and Roger just laughed.

On the walk home, Mark made a point of keeping Roger between him and Maureen. Maureen would keep trying to go behind Roger over to Mark but failed as Mark would cross in front of Roger to his other side. It was difficult to do this, however, because they had had a little to drink with dinner and kept stumbling every couple steps. They made it safely back to the loft and Roger rushed in to check the messages in case the hospital called. Mark walked out onto the balcony. It had begun to snow lightly.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Maureen said sweetly walking over beside him. She grabbed his hands and once again, he didn't pull away. He looked into her eyes, into her soul. He saw someone who meant well and just wanted to be loved. He saw, in her, himself. Mark pulled Maureen towards him and they kissed. The snow falling silently around them was the perfect touch. It was right. Mark had never really gotten over Maureen but had been afraid to put himself out there again.

"Well, look at that!" Roger said as he ruffled Mark's hair, "You little lovebirds."

"Yeah," Mark said holding Maureen close, "maybe we are."

They all went inside to get warmed up. Mark lay back on the couch and Maureen snuggled up to him. Roger plopped down in a chair, strumming his guitar. They talked for a long time. But for the first time in a while, they didn't linger too much on past events. Instead, they spoke of the future. When Mimi would be home safe and sound. They talked about picnics in the summer and pumpkin carving in the fall. They spoke of a better year with good health and high spirits. After a while Maureen drifted off to sleep, dreaming sweet dreams. Mark ran his fingers through her silky, chocolate brown hair amazed at how lucky he was.


	7. Come Back to Me

Over the next few weeks everything seemed to really improve. The snow had mostly melted and the air was getting warmer everyday. Mimi was still at the hospital but Roger went there everyday and stayed for hours. Mark and Maureen attended Life Support meetings at least 2 times a week. They spent a lot of time outside. The fresh air was doing wonders for Maureen, and Mark had put those hard times behind him.

"How are you feeling today?" Mark asked Maureen while on a walk one day.

"Well, I've felt better. I'm a little nauseous and just plain tired." She replied with a sigh.

"Can you make it back home?" Mark asked frantically, "Let me just carry you back."

"No, no I think I'm fine." This was the last thing Maureen said before everything went wrong. She clutched her stomach suddenly in pain. She doubled over and spit up a mixture of vomit and blood. At seeing this, she started crying violently. She looked up at Mark and he realized that she was more scared than he's ever seen her. He picked her up and took off running towards the loft. He blocked out all of his surroundings, the people's stares and racing cars melted away. There was only him and Maureen. All he needed was to get her home. All he could focus on was Maureen clinging to his body. His heartbeat echoed in his ears. Before long, the loft came into view. Roger was sitting on the sofa, sipping water waiting to go back to Mimi. The door flew open and Mark burst in holding a shaky, weak Maureen. Mark stopped for only a second before his knees buckled and he crumpled to the floor.

Roger stared at them, not knowing what to do or say. It was almost surreal; Mark's wheezing body, flush from running all that way; Maureen's weak body, pale and shaking, still in Mark's arms.

"What the hell." He said finally.

"I just don't know what happened!" Mark replied.

Roger helped Mark, who was shaking now himself, carry Maureen into Mark's room. It was small with hardly enough room for his dresser and twin sized bed. There were some posters taped up from Roger's gigs and Maureen's performances. There were also pictures of his friends, as if capturing those small almost now meaningless moments would remind him of what he had. To tell the truth, memories of Angel were fading now, and even his picture was not even enough to remind Mark of Angel's voice, his laugh. It scared Mark but he wasn't sure why.

Mark was standing at his dresser looking at the photographs of Collins and Angel, content being with each other. A silent tear slid down Mark's cheek and plopped onto the worn dresser. Roger walked up and placed a hand on his shoulder. He reassured Mark that even though the two were gone, they'd always be with them. All he had to do was close his eyes. They hugged and Roger headed back to Mimi who had suddenly taken a turn for the better and was getting out soon.

Mark walked over to his bed where Maureen was now laying. Thankfully, she had stopped shaking. Mark snuggled up next to her and brushed the hair out of her eyes. Maureen looked at him and her eyes were filled with pain. He kissed her forehead which was cold and damp with sweat. She sighed, and drifted quickly off to sleep. Mark found himself drifting off to sleep as well.

A few hours later, Mark woke to the crisp air blowing in through the window. Maureen was sitting on the edge of the bed sipping ice water. She was still a little shaky but otherwise looked fine. Mark sat up in bed and smiled at her.

"Hey, look who's up!" Mark said patting Maureen on the back. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good actually, the water is helping and Roger gave me some aspirin for a headache."

"You gave us quite a scare."

Maureen finished the water and tossed the paper cup to the floor. She turned and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a nice hug. Mark tossed Maureen over his shoulder and carried her into the living room. Maureen shrieked to get down but was laughing so hard she could barely say anything at all. Mark plopped her on the couch. He was laughing hard himself by now and slumped down next to her.

"I'm really happy that you're here," Mark said putting his arm around her, "and that we're together."

"Me too." She replied. They kissed and then just sat. They enjoyed each other's company more than anything else. Suddenly, the door slid open and Roger entered, smiling from ear to ear. He stood in the doorway for a few seconds before finally stepping aside. When he stepped aside, Mimi jumped in, sort of announcing herself to the room. Maureen squealed excitedly and jumped off the couch, throwing her arms around Mimi in a tight hug. Mark lifted himself off the couch and walked to Roger's side. He placed a hand on Roger's shoulder and realized that he was silently crying.

"Hey man, are you alright?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, it's just," Roger began, wiping his eyes, "I was so scared I was going to lose her." Roger sighed heavily and walked over to Mimi. He wrapped her in a hug so tight; he never wanted to let her go.

Mimi had a secret though. She could sense that something inside her just wasn't right. The disease was starting its brutal take over. Even though Roger had the disease too and could possibly help, she didn't want to worry him. He'd been through enough. Also, she was afraid that if he got more involved than he already was, Roger would find out that she didn't stop using. Mimi just used less than she used to in order to stop withdraw from setting in so soon.

"Everything is going to be different now, right?" Roger said letting go, "It's going to be better."

"Um, yeah, it is." And just like that, Mimi lied right to his face.


End file.
